As an educationalist working with rising leaders, some things occur to me that I am compelled to share.

These are my thoughts.

June 11, 2024

Q: What’s the Best Way to Fix The World?

A: Fix yourself.

The best gift you can give to the world is dealing with and fixing your own bull$#!+.

We are constantly trying to make the world fit into our worldview because that feels simpler than committing to, practicing, learning, and dealing with the world the way it is.

Look, the world doesn’t have to be the way it is, and the only way it’s going to achieve its ideal state is for you and I to make ourselves into people worthy of our own ideals and principles.

Want to change the world? Cool.

But you and I are gonna have to change ourselves first. 

June 6, 2024

Q: What is the Best Predictor of Your Future?

The best resource you have for predicting your future journeys is not necessarily the path you’ve already taken, but rather how you acted and behaved in your journey. It’s the habits you’ve reinforced, the risks you’ve calculated, the chances you took, your response to mistakes, and the opportunities you’ve acted or passed on.

But more than anything, the best predictor of your future is your relationship with your failures. Yes, the small missteps and the ones that felt devastating and world-ending. If you can humble yourself enough so that your failures are the case studies of your journey, you will find that your past was making you more resilient for your future.

Let your past failings teach you. Failure is the greatest teacher you will ever have if you’re humble enough to let it teach and if you are grateful for and receptive to the lesson.

June 5, 2024

Q: How do You Manage a Perfectionist?

A: Know when to sign off on their work sooner.

Churchill said: “Perfection is the enemy of process.” In the same manner, perfectionists are the foil to their own work.

Working with, or leading, a perfectionist can be a daunting process. They’re never done. They double the amount of work that needs to be done. They can be extremely critical and mistrusting of others on the team. They are their own worst enemy.

In a way, perfectionism is a cry for help. There tends to be some trauma there, unfortunately, and a great deal of that stems from childhood and they’re working against their past.

These are things you cannot fix as their manager. So what do you do?

One way I’ve found to be a servant-leader to these hard-working folks is to stake your reputation on their work. Tell them earlier in the process that you would be proud to put their work in front of a client or your boss or whomever if, in fact, you truly would.

(You know when the work’s ready if you’re paying attention.)

But you have to get to them earlier in the process or they will keep finding something else to add, refine, touch up, etc. They also do not have ANY idea when they’re approaching burnout. If it’s within your power, create a minimum time off requirement. Or, better yet, build in a learning sabbatical for these folks, because the way they get recharged is through learning that is unobstructed by work distractions and they can get some space to think about their own work without the pressure to apply it or perform. You can see them relax. Let them self-assign what that is.

Think of yourself as the facilitator and spirit guide of the perfectionist’s work.

June 4, 2024

Q: What’s Worse than Making the Wrong Decision?

A: Not making any decision at all.

Change is hard, but the start of your journey doesn’t have to be. The first step you take is really one over the threshold of fear.

It’s only scary because you’re looking at what you think is the problem. 

As the Stoics say, you’re suffering more in imagination than in reality and you’re losing more through indecision than you are through wrong decision.

If that’s the case, apply some imagination and look at your vision for your life. 

You’re not stepping into change - you’re off on an adventure.

You’re leaving the harbor for the sea. So pick a point on the horizon and go.

May 23, 2024

The Goal is Not the Goal

Imagine it’s halftime. 

Your team is down by 20 points.

You’re in the locker room and the coach comes in.

“Alright, team,” he says. “I know it looks bad but I know what we have to do to get back in this game.” 

You all lean in eager for any answers, and then he hits you with the big reveal: 

“We’ve just gotta score more goals!” 

Stupid, right?

And yet a lot of us look at goal setting like this. 

We make the mistake of making the goal the goal. 

Which is why we’re often so eager to get on to the next one. 

It’s not because we’re so friggin’ efficient or smart or talented or whatever we want to tell ourselves. 

It’s because we’re coming at work like a to-do list, and those are fun to check off one-by-one.

Until you get them all. 

And then you need more.

The issue, however, is that there’s a good chance here that we’re just task-mastering. 

We’re not actually growing. We’re not getting smarter. We’re not stretching ourselves. And we’re probably unfairly overconfident now. 

Which is why it’s soul-crushing when we don’t make the next goal. 

Or why the frustration mounts quickly when we’re up against a bigger challenger with more talent, greater resources, and they’re kicking our ass. 

Our answer to this situation used to be to do more work. Put in more hours. And there’s some truth to that.

Until more hours stop equating with improvement.

We don’t have a plan for when we get knocked down and we’re bloodied and we’re scared and can’t think straight. 

Professional athletes do not get better at putting points on the board by scoring more goals or baskets or touchdowns.

They master the process of knowing and working the game. They make it their primary desire and focus to be better than who they were yesterday.

It’s good to have goals in life and in work. We need them. But not for the reason we tell ourselves we need them. Yes, we need a sense of achievement. But do you know what are greater motivators and indicators of future success?

A commitment to consistency. A process of gradual improvements. Gratitude for the game and your ability to play it.

Grit and determination and not buying the base things you tell yourself.

So have a goal.

Just don’t make it the goal. 

May 22, 2024

Stop Microwaving Your Success

When I make BBQ it takes hours. Lots and lots of hours. For a decent brisket, a minimum of 12 and more like 15. It takes time to do the prep, to select the cut, to get the fire going, and to tend to it for that long. But I do it because the result is greater than if I wanted it now.

I could microwave, bake, or boil a brisket and have it much sooner than this other process, but I can’t imagine anyone would want to eat it. And I certainly would not want anyone to know I cooked or served it.

This is what our growth and development can also be like. All the right ingredients and lower energy working together over an extended period of time with great intent and a purpose to surprise and delight others. It’s my goal to put my absolute best out there for others. Because the result of the effort speaks for me and not only am I proud of it, but I also love it myself.

That is not to say that growth is not work. 

Because it very much is. 

It’s early hours, and discomfort, and cold, and heat. It’s patience and willpower. It’s humble and sober mindfulness, and honest reflection, and experimenting and failing for the sake of making gradual improvements towards mastery, and a commitment to an undeterred steadiness to our purpose.

It’s work like it was meant to be, not this perverse microwaved success that is underwhelming, too expensive, bland, and unfulfilling. If that life were a dish you’d serve to people you love, they’d wonder what they did to deserve such treatment and why you allow yourself to be such a $#!t cook.

Your life is a gift. That gift, with all its skills and knowledge, is intended for other people. That gift should be mind-blowingly awesome. 

You’re putting the effort into making something incredible. Don’t rush it. Focus on the ingredients and process. Taste the results.

May 21, 2024

Slow It Down

Your work, whether on or through yourself, does not need to be done at full speed. 

Your best work in making yourself valuable, in producing something magical, as your life could be, may be better served through a thoughtful and slower process. 

The work of preparing yourself doesn’t need to be hurried and anxious, in fact, I’d argue you may make matters worse by doing so. When we rush we miss things, not just details but other opportunities or risks or people.

Slow down. 

The product of your self-work should show refinement and a commitment to mastery.